Noise is Your Friend

I remember before our wonderful bundle of joy arrived we (I) worried about how she would sleep because we live in an apartment. In all honesty, having a newborn in an apartment can be somewhat terrifying because you can't control that much of the environment. For instance they tell you to control the temperature on your hot water heater--that just isn't an option for most apartment buildings.


But the most troubling for this control freak is the noise control. We live in one of the entry way apartments, which means you hear most of the comings and goings. This was amplified by the fact that, until recently, our entryway door had keys perpetually getting stuck in it. For some reason people thought banging the door against the frame was the most efficient way to remove them; sorry, folks, a little jiggle should do the trick. Our apartment also faces the street, so there is a steady bustle of cars and people walking.

I guess what I'm saying is that our building, that I would characterize as fairly quiet before, becomes excruciatingly loud when you start thinking about a sleeping baby. So I figured out a way to combat this problem: television (our any noise) is your friend.


Even at the hospital, I always had the television on and she didn't leave my room. Then once we arrived home, we have constantly had the television on. I'm really not exaggerating much--we turn the TV off right before the hubby and I go to sleep. I know it sounds simple and ridiculous at the same time. But I didn't want strange voices, door slams, loud hustle and bustle to freak her out. Not to be boastful, but I have to give myself a pat on the back: Noise has never been an issue for her sleeping habits.

But noise isn't really a new idea. Most baby books recommend playing some sort of sounds to soothe sleeping babies (i.e.: white noise, womb sounds, rain, etc). We also do the womb sounds on her snuggle nest and bassinet. Recently she's started "engaging" with toys (she looks and talks to them, but not quite grabbing). So in that regard, we play these sounds with a pink and purple seahorse and a Sleep Sheep.

In all fairness, though, she's my daughter--she likes noise of all kind. I sing to her constantly (poor kid!); and even though it's unintelligible, she's already a chatterbox. Plus, I like being on the go, and having a noise resistant baby makes outings so much easier.

Breastflow Bottles

So, my week for "mommy time" was a little longer, namely because of the 4th of July. It was a nationally holiday and I enjoyed time with my family over a LONG weekend, sue me! 


Any who! We're back on schedule. My mommy must have this week is a the bottle: First Years Breastflow Bottle. For the record, yes, I'm still breast feeding; but occasionally you need a break or you indulge in something that requires you to take a break. 

I know I mentioned in an earlier post about my fear of giving of giving Thia a bottle to early because I didn't want her to have nipple confusion. I also talked about how I overproduced and was in pain/exhaustion and the hubby gave her the first bottle at about 2 weeks old. I was horrified that I did this, but I had to for my sanity and sleep schedule. 

This was that first bottle!

Before little miss Thia arrived I did my research on bottles. I read about the ones that reduce colic and then you have bargain brands. But during my breast feeding class (yes, I took a class), the instructor mentioned the Breastflow Bottle; so I included it in my research. I will admit, it looks a bit complicated with it's two nipples; but it's truly a Godsend for a breast feeding mom (and not really complicated, just put the blue nipple in the grooves). 


The Breastflow Bottle mimics the feel of actual breast feeding in a couple of ways. The first is the size of the outer nipple. It's overly sized to mimic mom's breast. The second reason is those complicated two nipples I mentioned. The dual nipples create a similar suction to the breast. Both of these make the bottle fantastic for a breast feeding mom. Each feature keeps your baby from getting lazy with a small nipple or an easy flow nipple. 


I'm not saying that only breast feeding moms should use the Breastflow Bottle. It also claims to reduce colic (I have to believe that's accurate because my child is not colic-y). Plus they aren't badly priced at the full set at the beginning of the post only costing $16. But I also think this bottle is fantastic must have for moms who are having trouble with breast feeding at first and aren't quite there yet. It gets the baby used to the work of feeding, which means moms can just focus on the latch!

Obviously this is just what worked breast  best (ha!) for me. Every baby is different and you have to do what works for you and your baby. But I know the Breastflow Bottles give me a peace of mind that I wouldn't have with a different bottle.

A Week for Mommy Time

I wanted to put up a quick note so that no one worries about me. I am still around and will be in full force next week again. This week I'm doing something for me. But more on that next week...

Two Month Shots

I'd heard stories from some of my mom friends about the illustrious two month shots. A couple days before I thought, "My baby is so happy--we've got this." Then the night before I had horrible nightmares--I mean worst case scenarios nightmares. The reality: somewhere in between, but I realize we were much closer to "we've got this" now that I'm no longer in the moment.

On Tuesday, my anxiety was high because I didn't want to cause my child any pain. Also, I learned the night before that the hubs couldn't go with me. I will admit I was mad because I didn't want to be the only parent associated with this pain! Selfish, I know, but true. (Go ahead and judge me, but I didn't want my two month old daughter to blame me.)

She was so happy and cheerful before we left, and then peacefully sleeping before we entered the office. But once they started measuring her head she started fussing and I knew I was in for a traumatizing visit. I managed to calm Thia while waiting for the doctor, and she seemed happy until the first shot went in. She went from mildly fussy, to eyes bulging and screaming. I had never heard my baby girl scream like that since she came out of the womb.

I managed to get her calmed down and gave her Tylenol before we left the doctor's office. Once we got home we snuggled and fell asleep on the couch. The hubs was peacefully sleeping upstairs after working overnight...that was until the Tylenol wore off. She woke up from our nap screaming enough to wake the dead. Through the tears I managed to get more Tylenol in her and feed her. All while the hubby tells me, "If I had known it would be this bad, I would have gone with you." I asked what he thought he would be like; his response: "I thought she'd be fussy for 30 minutes and that would be it." I rolled my eyes.


But I have to tell you that those screams will haunt whatever nightmares I have. They were beyond traumatizing. As a mom those sounds convey the worst feeling: helplessness. You can give her some medication, hold her, love her; but you can't "fix" this pain you allowed to happen. I know I will be hesitant at four months, but vaccines need to happen; it just won't make it any less heartbreaking for this mom. 


All in all though, we were very lucky. She was fussy and screaming a few times (I didn't let the Tylenol run out again until the next afternoon), but she didn't have a fever or any other side effect. Trust me if she had, I would have known--I didn't get much sleep those 24 hours. Now that I've rested, I realize that we totally had this despite being deathly worried at first.

Ooo's and Aahhh's

Sorry for no blog yesterday, I was dealing with a fussy baby who just had her two month shots (this will be tomorrow's blog). But today is a more fun, less emotionally draining topic--my baby talks! Sort of, she's cooing--so she thinks she's talking (and for all purposes, so do I).


All parents know that a smile melts your heart, but when you hear your child laugh or coo it explodes your heart. Thia's been making her own words (sounds) for a couple of weeks now, and I can't get enough of it. We seriously sit and "talk" for hours a day. To be completely frank, they are the best conversations I've ever had in my life.

One of the funniest sounds she makes is very high pitched. It sounds like a cross between a laugh and a cry. The first time I heard it I thought something was wrong, but then I noticed she was smiling. The first time my mom and husband saw it, they both told her "oh, no" thinking she was about to cry. I had to explain that she was thoroughly amused and just telling them that. Now that I've realized this is a "word," it's actually one of my favorite sounds. 


While I can't get enough of our conversations, I eat it up even more when the husband gets home and gets her going. I think this is because I'm the bystander watching someone else enjoy similar priceless moments I have everyday. Also, it shows off how smart she is! 

I know all babies do this, and it's nothing new to the world. However, it's new to my world! What were some of your thoughts when you're baby started "talking?"

Thia and Her Beds

If my daughter had blond hair, I would call her Goldilocks. Two months in and we still haven't figured out which bed works best. I mean, if we don't count accessories like a swing and bouncer, she has (or rather thinks has) four beds.


Bed #1: Her crib. To be honest, I'm not comfortable with her sleeping in a different bedroom from me. I know at some point I will be, but that point isn't here yet. She's slept in it once when her dad was in there working overnight. This didn't bother me because he was in the room. Since then and before then it hasn't happened because we haven't been in the room (although the hubby's tried to talk me into it a few times).

Bed #2: Her bassinet. She sleeps fairly well in this, and it was something I insisted on.   According to Dr. Karp and several other medical professionals having your child near you (bassinet, co-sleeper, etc) drops the risk of SIDS. I told you last week that I have mommy paranoia, and this is one of the biggest worries I think any mom has. So, I try to do everything in my power to keep this risk low. We bought the First Years 5-in-1. The basket comes off and can be used in any room in the house. It also props up and can be a bouncer; it has a changing table under the basket. The bassinet also features several different sounds: lullaby, heart beat, rain, and white noise. It also has a vibration setting. Truly a fabulous value if you want your baby near but not IN your bed!

Bed #3: Mommy and Daddy's bed. This is her favorite bed, but mainly when she's on top of mommy or daddy. This adds to my fears. This worries me because I worry that something could happen to her if she were to fall off of mommy or daddy. Worry was the reason I bought the fourth bed.


Bed #4: Her Snuggle Nest.  The snuggle nest is the best of both worlds. It's a co-sleeper that is on her parents' bed. She has her own space clearly marked out on our bed. Not only does it have her own space, it also plays a lullaby, womb noise, and has a night light. This co-sleeper cannot be done if you have a bed smaller than a queen size though. To be honest, even on our queen size the husband complains about not having enough room. But I'd trade us being a little uncomfortable for some peace of mind. 

She sleeps well in the last three beds. Our little bundle starts out in #2 or #4. Typically after her early morning feeding, she snuggles with mommy for an hour or so until we get out of bed. Ultimately (when she's older) she'll sleep in her crib, but until then it's whatever makes her happy. 

Swaddling Made Easy

Every doctor, book, nurse, and talk show nowadays recommends swaddling your baby. They even taught us swaddling in our childbirth prep class. After hearing the overwhelming recommendations, I knew this was a parenting technique I wanted to do. Swaddling a baby keeps them held tight and is supposed to mimic feeling like the baby is still in the womb. It also keeps the baby from waking themselves with the Moro (or startle) reflex.


I remember thinking as soon as Thia arrived I would swaddle her like crazy; Thia, of course, had other ideas. I guess she was well and truly ready to be out into the real world. When you swaddle a baby, their arms are tightly snug at their side inside the blanket. 


My overly active daughter in the womb (she moved so much that if I didn't feel her for an hour I worried) didn't like being confined by any means. The only time Thia actually enjoyed being swaddled would be if she was already asleep, which is counterproductive to the teaching techniques. Most recommend swaddling as a way to help calm fussy babies. 


The best book I read during pregnancy was The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp, and he recommends just that. It was a gift from my loving, wonderful sister-in-law (and recommended by my pediatrician) that I will now include in any baby shower gift. Dr. Karp talks about swaddling and teaches a relatively easy technique (DUDU technique--down, up, down, up). And although my daughter doesn't dig the standard swaddling, the other information is beyond helpful with a new little person in your life. 

On the seldom occasions where she has let us swaddle her in a standard blanket, her arms are always out within 30 minutes top, which means she can still startle herself awake. So I decided to try a "blanket" my mom and I bought on a whim while I was pregnant. It's called a "swaddleme." It's a little more elastic than a normal blanket. It also has a pouch for the feet, which gives the baby more freedom than a blanket. The baby's hands are still tightly at their side so they don't wake themselves up with the Moro Reflex.

I can't fully explain why this product works for my daughter when a regular blanket doesn't; the reasons above are guesses, but it does work for her. She's still not as happy as a clam at first, but within a minute or so she's soothed. It's even become part of our nightly "schedule." (Schedule is in quotes because at this point it's wishful thinking, but a girl can dream.) But I like to think that once she feels the feet pouch she knows it's time for a longer leg sleep. 


I'm curious if other moms have the swaddling conflict. Maybe other babies like the feeling? It's always entirely possible that Thia got her mom's stubbornness and just wants it her way.

Mommy Paranoia

My husband calls me paranoid at times with other names... But I like to think of myself has overly cautious. I'm a first time mom, which for me means that I'm constantly worried about my baby being okay. I don't think this is unusual; I would even venture to guess that it's normal.

The "paranoia" as my husband calls it started in the hospital. The first night, when I wasn't allowed out of bed, I feel like I asked my husband a gazillion times if Thia was still breathing. Babies come out screaming, but once they've entered the world they calm down some. So when she was being quiet and I wasn't holding her, I just wanted to be sure.

This was the view of Thia from my bed.

The hubs also thought I was over the top the first month when I would constantly ask if she was okay. I even seemed nervous getting in the shower and leaving her with him. It's completely crazy and irrational. He's her father and he loves her at least as much as I do. Maybe it was separation anxiety already on my part? She was with me constantly for almost 10 months, and part of me thought she should be with me constantly out of the womb. (Like I said irrational and crazy!)

This paranoia has waned some. I've even gone to run errands and left her alone with the hubs. I missed her like crazy and still had some anxiety, but we both lived through it. I even venture that she thoroughly enjoyed daddy/daughter time (after all, she most likely gets sick of me)! 

I do, however--according to my mom, spoil her already. I put her down more often than I did at first. But the majority of the day she's in my arms. She seems to enjoy and I know I do! She's a snuggler and I eat it up. Plus I know that there will come a time (probably way to soon) that she won't like snuggling with mommy.

While I'm getting better about leaving her for small amounts of time, I prefer to be with her all the time. And truth be told: I still check on her in the middle of the night to make sure she's breathing. I wouldn't necessarily call my paranoia a meltdown. However, at times it's felt that way--especially when I've bolted out of bed at 4 AM because I hadn't heard any noises from her recently. I don't know if that's something you completely stop doing. My mom says that when we come to visit she still checks occasionally and I'm 30.

Always to the Side

One question moms: How does your child sleep? And I'm not talking about on their back--that's a given! I mean does your child have a quirky position on top of that? Maybe other babies just sleep happily flat on their backs with no difference. Maybe my child is just an odd ball; it's possible--after all, she is my child.


Thia finds it very comfortable to sleep on her side. My guess is that's why she put herself in that position while in my tummy, because she manages to put herself in that position no matter where we have her now! Personally it doesn't look very comfortable to me.


Here's her on the swing:

She's buckled into the swing but still wiggled her way sideways. 

She also tries to do this in the car seat. (Sorry no picture--I focus on driving.) The car seat position especially she drives me nuts! I have her snugly fastened into her seat. Then 30 seconds down the road, she has her head (somehow) completely out of the head protector and leaning to her right side. If she could move her feet to the left in the car seat, I'm sure she would. This is where my paranoia comes in because not only does it not look comfortable it doesn't look safe! But there is nothing I can do--the straps won't go any tighter without cutting off her circulation. 


The most amazing way she does this is when she is completely swaddled in any of her beds  (Yes, with an "S!" That will be another blog.) We've swaddled hers in blankets and laid her down in a straight line in her bassinet, snuggle nest, crib and she still puts herself diagonally.  I mean that's talent! Also that's scary because I don't want her to start crawling next week, and with that much movement who knows! (Just kidding, I know that's not possible; right?)

I swear her head was in the middle of the bed when we laid her down!

Thia also tries to do this when she's in her bouncer, too. With the bouncer I cut her off quick though because she could touch the ground with her long arms and bring the bouncer over. With the swing and car seat, she's not going anywhere. And I guess that's the answer. As long as she's comfortable and can't hurt herself, why stop her? I'm learning to just enjoy and revel in her quirks (even when my knee jerk reaction is to straighten her out)! 

Acne in Infancy

Babies are perhaps the simplest yet most complicated creatures on earth. They are simple because their needs aren't hard to meet--you feed, you change, and you hold. These three things, in general, keep your baby happy. Obviously you do a few different things (singing, swaddling, playing, etc) to make these things more enjoyable; but those three are the bare bones of what a baby needs.

However they are very complicated mainly because of all the things that could affect them. I remember talking about how fragile I thought my baby would be. One of my doctors told me, "Yea, they really aren't. We've all dropped them at some point." I remember chuckling and thinking, "Oh, God! Please don't let me drop my baby." But it's true, they aren't that fragile: They are tough, ever growing, constantly learning, hormonal beings.


You probably had to look at that last one--that's right I said "hormonal." Over Memorial Day weekend Thia got what I thought was the baby acne I'd read. It was only around her head and didn't seem to bother her so I wasn't too worried. (I'll admit that I did think about emailing my pediatrician right then; but I didn't want to be paranoid.)

So I watched my baby's beautiful, soft skin blossom with even more acne over the next couple of days because of her adjusting to her hormones and no longer receiving mine. By Monday my mommy alarm was making a soft whirring whisper, but I still didn't want to raise the red flag and call the doctor. That all changed Wednesday morning though. The small bumps looked like a rash and was on the back of her neck and her shoulders. 


That day Thia and I had our first "non-well" check-up. Turns out I was right with my compulsive reading: It is/was baby acne. As a new mom, though, there is a seriously peaceful feeling that comes from hearing it out of the pediatrician's mouth. That said, your stomach sinks when you find out there's really nothing to do about it. 


My pediatrician did give me a few tips. The first: Don't over moisturize the areas. The second: Try and keep the areas dry. For most of the affected areas it's not too hard. Thia does have two problematic spots: her scalp and her neck. Her scalp is only a problem because she has now started to sleep hard (sleeping hard = sweat). The other reason is, if you haven't seen a picture of my darling daughter lately (see below--the adorable cheeks and double chin: TOO CUTE!!), she eats like a champ! 

So what do I do to keep that area relatively dry? I use bibs and a burp cloth to cover her skin while she eats. It's not full proof, but it seems to be making a difference. Even though it was just acne, I learned that I will always follow my gut. Thinking you may have nothing to worry and hearing everything is fine are two different things; I vote for hearing a professional say it. All in all, I am so grateful to have such a healthy and happy baby that a little acne barely puts a bump (pun intended) in parenting.

What's in a Name?

Everyone comes up with their child's name differently. The first step the hubs and I made was a compromise--if Baby Kotowski was a boy, he picked the name; a girl, I picked the name. Seemed like a logical and fair process. Then we found out it was a girl and the pressure started.


I knew part of the name, but wasn't sure about her full name. Trying to pick out exactly what name would flow with the first, had meaning, would fit our baby girl and wouldn't embarrass her is very overwhelming. (I know this is coming from someone named "Polly;" but while my name has a bazillion ways to pick on me, it suits me very well!) 


Despite having agreed that I would pick out the name, I constantly bounced stuff off of my hubby before we were even pregnant (yes, we were thinking names before she was conceived). The name bouncing increased after we found out she was a girl in October 2011. I'm pretty sure I was driving my husband crazy--"What about this?" "What about that?" Most were met with a resounding "NO" for one reason or another. Then it came to me...


Her first name is Cynthia, after my mom. My mom has been my rock in so many ways and she continues to be. She's also my best friend in the whole world next to my hubby. But more than that my mom is by far the strongest woman I know, and I want my daughter to have that same strength. Plus my mom doesn't really know the word "no;" and while I hope my daughter does, I still want her to have my mom's generosity. 

My mom and I at my brother's wedding last year.

The second name was harder. At first I said we should combine our mothers' names but it just didn't flow as well as we wanted--too many A's ending words. So, we went through the gamut when I spoke my grandmother's name with Cynthia and it was perfect! I was reluctant choosing two names from my family because I just didn't think it was fair, but my husband liked it. Thus she was named Cynthia Gail, in hopes that she will have my grandmother's grace and big heart. 

My grandmother and I.

The idea for the name we call her--"Thia"--has a slightly cheesier origin. When I was WAY younger (I'm talking about 13), I saw the movie For Keeps with Molly Ringwald. The movie is definitely one of Molly's more serious films--she becomes a teen mom before it was made cool on MTV. Any who, her boyfriend/husband in the film Stan (played by Randall Batinkoff) named their baby Theodosia. Molly's character Darcy is horrified but nicknames her "Thea," which I thought was the most adorable name ever. 

And that's how we (I) picked our daughter's name. She's named after two of the most inspiring and lovable women I know. Then, with me being a true 80's child, we call her a name inspired by one of mommy's favorite 80's movies. Thia fits her perfectly, and sound like it should restrict her to any profession (don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about). Also, Cynthia Gail flows amazingly for the future if/when she ever gets in trouble!

Sling? Carrier? Why Not Both?

I'm sure anyone who's ever done a baby registry can relate--do you want a sling, carrier, or just car seat with a stroller? I tossed and turned about it because it seemed like a crucial decision. After all making the right choice would dictate how much mobility mom and Thia would have to explore the rest of the world. 

In the end for registry purposes we decided on the Chicco Ultrasoft Carrier. We chose Chicco because it was a brand that several of parental friends chose and it was well rated. I haven't used it much. Miss Thia still can't hold her own head up for long periods of time, which is NOT a criteria for this carrier but seems to be for my child. She's a snuggler and wants to be close all the time, so feet dangling when she doesn't have more control makes her insane. I'm sure has she gets bigger she will love this carrier because she can face mommy/daddy or the world.

I also received a promotional sling from Seven Slings. This one seemed a little to tight for my angel and it's not really adjustable. I'm sure with super small babies it's a God send but for my baby who loves to eat, it's not great. However, I am looking forward to using it when she's bigger (like 9 months). Yes, I know what I just said; BUT this sling offers it self greatly as an on the hip holder.

With these two not being Thia's favorite things, I thought I was going to be doomed to only using one hand for the foreseeable future. Don't get me wrong--I can get WAY more done with one hand than I ever dreamed possible! (All you moms know exactly what I'm talking about!)

But when Thia was about two weeks old I was placing my order on Diapers.Com (a whole other post on this website later), and they had a promo for an item called the Baby K'Tan. Seriously this product is the best of both worlds, and unless Thia is super hungry she LOVES it! It has the cuddle factor of a good sling or wrap, but the true convenience of a carrier. But the best part is: it GROWS with Thia (holds up to 35 lbs). The Baby K'Tan is unbelievably versatile to find a position for any fussy baby--it can be a kangaroo hold, hug position, adventure position, explore position and the two-hip position. It's also designed to support your back and your baby. Plus it's t-shirt material and machine washable (which is essential for a new mom). But may favorite part about this kind of carrier: Strangers actually don't think it's okay to reach in and touch my baby!

Plus it comes in all sorts of colors--I got this fantastic eggplant shade!

Of course the tried and true Graco Snugride car seat is also wonderful. My angel loves to fall asleep in hers, and you don't wake a sleeping baby if you don't have to!

Every New Mom Cries

It's my understanding (or at least my personal hope/belief) that all new moms cry at the beginning. Let me be very, very clear here--I don't like crying, never have. Before I got pregnant if you caught me crying I was probably angry not sad. Now if you see me crying you need more than just that guess because it could be as simple as a commercial or seeing my daughter's first smile.

Truthfully as soon as your baby arrives a woman's hormones are completely out of whack so there's no telling what could set off the water works. On top of that add in the fact that you are adapting to surviving on only four total hours of sleep and a periodically crying little person who solely depends on you for food, comfort and hygiene: You are bound to have what I call a "mommy meltdown." These meltdowns could be nuclear given the right prompt or trying too hard to not breakdown.

I experienced both a run of the mill meltdown and a nuclear meltdown within the first week of being home. My run of the mill mommy meltdown happened when I conceded to giving my precious daughter a bottle within the first two weeks of life. This terrified me for two reasons--what if she wouldn't take it and I had no way to get sleep or what if she liked the bottle too much and breastfeeding went down the tubes. 

I was also absolutely sure that by not listening to the recommended "don't introduce a bottle until 4-6 weeks" that I was a horrible mother. I felt incredibly guilty and lazy that I wanted to take one feeding off so I could sleep a little more. Thankfully my husband and mom assured me this wasn't the case. Thia was still receiving my milk, which is what really matter to me and the hubby. Plus, a more rested mommy means a happier and better mommy--win/win.

This was the hubs giving Thia that first bottle.

Then came the nuclear meltdown. This was not pretty. I mean puffy eyes, nose dripping snot a foot long, you would think I dislocated something and was in excruciating pain. Alas, I was just a 30 year old new mom who's mommy was going home to South Carolina a few days sooner than originally plan. The moment my mom told me she changed her flight for work, I lost it. Both the hubby and mom tried to console me for at least an hour. They had no shot. It was impossible until I was done with the tears (which were accompanied by hiccups (again: it-was-ugly!)). 

I couldn't tell you the last time I had cried like that. For whatever reason, hearing that my mom was leaving basically caused me to panic. I was filled with fear that I couldn't or wouldn't be able to figure out being a mom without my mom there. It was completely irrational but it was all I could hear in my head. Then it passed, and I realized I could do this... But I had to be "cleansed" by my personal rain before I could see it.

Our three generations. 

I have no idea if other new moms have had these exact thoughts; who knows maybe some moms never experience these meltdowns. I can only tell you that I have and what they were like. My meltdowns (which have significantly lessened) help keep me grounded and enjoy every moment with my daughter.  

Things I Knew (And Didn't) About a C-Section

My darling daughter was in the perfect birthing position for over 2 months and my wonderful doctor and I thought I would be able to have a natural childbirth. I was even excited about it because my mom and one of my grandmothers wasn't able to do so, and I thought my body would actually cooperate. My daughter had other plans though--she moved herself to a transverse position with her umbilical cord directly over the birthing canal. So I went from waiting for labor to start to please don't let labor start with an urgent c-section with in 24 hours. I'm not complaining about this because Thia was born healthy, safe and happy, which was all I really wanted. 

That being said there were things I knew in theory that followed and things I had no clue about recovering from a c-section:


1. It's major surgery. The doctors and nurses tell you this, but it doesn't (or didn't with me at least) register. At the end of the day I was able to hold my bouncing baby girl. Yes the hospital stay was a little lengthy, but I was able to cuddle, feed, sing, and love on this beautiful gift. No, the major surgery part didn't register until I got home 4 days later. That's when it truly hit me that I was restricted and not at the top of my game. It was painful and unlike other surgeries you can't lounge around doped up because that blessing you are excited about needs to be fed, cleaned and held. 


2. You can't drive. This was a no-brainer. And, truthfully, it didn't bother me until about two weeks later, then I wanted to be able to tool around with my daughter. But it wasn't a possibility because I had been cut open and couldn't risk opening my incision. I was able to drive about two weeks after that, which brought back a huge sense of being me.


3. There's swelling--L-O-T-S of swelling. I had no idea this happened. I mean, I knew my tummy wouldn't immediately flat; but the rest of my body?!? My whole body was so swollen I couldn't even get my pregnancy jeans on! My pregnancy cankles had nothing on my post c-section cankles. I could barely walk for about a week without pain in my ankles. The swelling went away after about two weeks, and thank goodness for my self-esteem!


4. You still look pregnant. Like I said, I knew my stomach wouldn't be flat--but I didn't really think I would still look nine months pregnant. Part of it was the swelling and then part of it was just recovering from being pregnant. I thought I missed out on that later part with the c-section: I mean they cut me open, they could at least remove some of the extra flab; right? Nope you still have to burn calories to get that tummy to go away. (Breastfeeding helps a ton!)


5. You still have crazy hormones. I thought that once I was no longer with child that my hormones would stabilize. This thought was very, very, very wrong. I found that out when everyone else in the hospital room was freezing and I was begging for the thermostat to be turned down. At that point my doctor informed me that my husband was the temperature gauge for our baby. Apparently with breastfeeding that continues; so even when I wake up drenched in sweat, all the normal people can (and probably are) still cold.


6. You can't eat for AT LEAST 24 hours. I call you back to number 1--MAJOR SURGERY. This may not seem like such a big deal, but my diet was more restricted than most. Yes, I missed sushi and the like. But I had gestational diabetes, which meant I couldn't indulge in the sweet tooth cravings my daughter created. By the time she arrived I was longing for Coca-Cola and Krispy Kreme, and I had planned on having them as soon as I birthed her. Nope! I couldn't have anything, then only liquids, then finally I could eat what I wanted. Overall, I couldn't indulge for about 72 hours. 

7. You're instant super mom. I think all new moms think this not just those of us who didn't actually experience labor or who are chronic over achievers. It's not true, you have to adjust and figure it out--no baby or family is the same. So in that vein, be grateful for your co-stars/supporting cast... whoever they maybe. (A special thank you to my hubby, mom, dad, Cara and Tina!)


I know other women have a lot more draw backs to having a c-section, but it really wasn't as bad as any horror story I had heard. Truthfully I wouldn't trade the way Thia came into this world because she entered this world perfect. It's like with anything--perspective helps a lot. My perspective is: well worth it!

Finding a Rhythm...(I think)

So Miss Thia is seven weeks old today (!) and (I think) we are finally finding a rhythm. It could all change tomorrow, but I'm choosing to believe we've found something. The last seven weeks have been a whirlwind of joy, exhaustion, amusement, messiness, and any other contradicting emotions you can come up with. I tried my best to listen to all of the unsolicited wanted advice--you know: let your chores wait, sleep when the baby sleeps, let your partner help with feedings, don't sleep with your baby, sleep with your baby, let your baby cry, don't let your baby... You know, all (I'm sure I've missed some) the advice you get as a new mom. All of it is welcomed (although sometimes confusing) because I am a first time mom.

I can't believe she is already seven weeks old!

I'll be honest with recovering from the c-section, trying to get enough sleep, extreme breast engorgement--I listened to the "let your chores wait." Let me be clear, when I say I listened, I mean I listened for almost seven weeks (I could barely walk through my living room)--then I just couldn't take it anymore. So starting over this long weekend while the dear hubby could entertain our ever more alert baby, I started a cleaning binge I still haven't quite finished (tomorrow will be the finishing touches). I actually hate that I let it wait, because I just feel calmer having a tidy home. But now that my darling daughter will actually let me put her down during the day, this cleanliness will be kept up so I don't become a scary, mad woman talking about dishes, clothes and dust.


The other advice I tried desperately to listen to was to "sleep when your baby sleeps." I tried and tried and even prayed that I would be able to--but with the exception of a few pure exhausted naps, it didn't work. I'm not a napper. Never have been. I couldn't even do it well in college (don't get me wrong, plenty of times I watched TV lounging around in my dorm room). For whatever reason, my body has a hard time sleeping when the sun is up (maybe that's why Thia is so alert). 


I do fully believe in letting your partner help with feedings. I fought this at first when we got home from the hospital because I thought it would make me a bad mom if my daughter was fed other than directly from my teet. (Not saying you have to breastfeed to be a good mom; I just really wanted to breastfeed.) However, my excruciating breast engorgement taught me otherwise. When you over produce milk and you can't sleep with the sun up: You let (and thank goodness for) your partner feed the baby at night. That way I get sleep and Thia still gets breast milk AND bonding time with daddy.

Medela breast pump--Truly a lifesaver and MUST have!

These few things are helping me to create a rhythm for me and Miss Thia. A rhythm to me means I'll be able to return phone calls, go out into the world and in general have a sense of well being beyond being an exhausted milk factory. That's the trick I've learned to be most valuable--whatever works for you, your baby and your new family is what you do. So if you haven't heard from, I'm not avoiding you. I've just been learning how to live this new truly blessed, awesome new life. So, expect to hear from me soon.


PS-I'll talk about that other advice during a later post. Because that's part of my new rhythm (fingers crossed): at least two posts a week.

Do(n't) Say to a New Mother

I don't know about all you other new moms, but I feel like a hormonal mess. And if you factor in this new role with recovering from an urgent C-section you could just call me a hot (flash) mess.

Our first family photo--taken after Thia's arrival April 11, 2012.

My father and husband are both very loving and supportive, but at the end of the day-they are boys...ergo they do NOT understand. When I finally experienced my first teariness, both said, "you're fine, it's normal, you are post partum." Men think that final phrase explains it all. (Which, a quick note guys, it makes us women even more emotional.)


Then top it off by being told I'm hormonal, dramatic or any other word that would send a woman off the deep end on a normal average day. Men understand to tell you how great of a job you're doing while in the hospital and the first couple days at home. But then, somehow, they forget. Honestly, all new moms (at least this one) want to hear is that we're doing a good job, you love us and can you help us with anything.


Usually it wouldn't be a big deal. However, this new mom still can't drive or carry anything heavier than her growing, beautiful little girl. So, in my mind I'm handicapped. I very much like to be able to do my own thing and would love to take lil bit with; but I can't quite yet. This is making me stir crazy and feeling VERY needy with my hubby-who lets be honest is over it at this point. Well, ME TOO!! I know this part will be over soon, and thus I ask for patience for myself, hubby, and all family and friends.

Our first outing to Ronnie's Dinner on Culver Blvd.

PS. I'm very grateful to get to go out for brunch as a little family!! My and Thia's first outing other than doctor's appointments in over 3 weeks... I think I may need to have my hair cut and toenails painted--just saying.

Please Don't Breathe on Me

Anyone who's been around me during this pregnancy knows about my love affair with hand sanitizer. I always have a small bottle with me, not to mention the strategically placed bottles around my house. I've even had encountered countless days where I've had to lotion my hands multiple times because they were raw from me washing them SO many times. 

Clearly having clean hands is an important thing, but I have taken to an extreme while being pregnant. I use to be the first kid in the dirt, didn't mind if something was sticky, and could have cared less if the only thing to bathe in while camping was the lake. That's ALL changed--at least for these nine months. If I touch anything that could have germs, I want need to sanitize. 


But trying to keep myself "germ-free"all goes to naught when I have to go to the drug store (which is far more often than I like). I've mentioned that I was sick for over 2 1/2 months with a cold that would not let go of the compromised immune system that pregnancy creates. So--needless to say--since the cold said "adios," I've thought very loudly to anyone with even a snivel: STAY. AWAY. FROM. ME!


However, this thought doesn't seem to come out of my mouth often or quickly enough--I think this is because I don't want to engage sick people. Unfortunately with the other items going on in my pregnancy I am at the drug store every week or every other week. Last week I felt like I was in a slapstick comedy changing aisles if I saw someone else coming down the same aisle. I didn't want them to have to fit around me, breathe on me or even give me a contagious look. 

I know this isn't very PC of me because everyone gets sick, but...I can't help myself--I really want to end this pregnancy without another cold or virus. Maybe drug stores could quarantine an area for only sick people, so that those of us without symptoms but weak immune systems don't have to be around them. I just kindly ask--if you see me or any other woman carrying around a basketball, keep your sneezes, breathing, touching and any other contact to yourself! Thanks, 8 1/2 months Pregnant Without a Current Cold :)

There Will Be Photoshop

Ah... The belly photo. The photo that holds a woman's 8 or 9 month body in posterity for the viewing pleasure of, well--herself, husband, family and perhaps even the baby that is (sort of) in the photo. I'm not saying I don't like the photos. In fact if they are done tastefully and thoughtfully, I think they are/can a wonderful keepsake and adorable. But let's face it, not all belly photos are created equal.


Some women just do not look comfortable exposing any part of themselves, even it is only their (very) round belly. The truth is if you're not comfortable, then no shot will be worth using (and you've now wasted time and money). Then other women are too comfortable for my taste. You know the ones I'm talking about--no bra, no undies--just wearing Eve's uniform  like they couldn't afford even a fig leaf. I'm by no means a prude, but I'm very uncomfortable looking at entirely nude body that isn't an ancient work of art or my husband. 


Jessica Simpson recently did this photo for Elle magazine (see below). Beyond the two reasons above--she and I both are uncomfortable--there is also one thing I call BS on in this picture; I call it the Wonderful World of Photoshop. Honestly, WWP doesn't bother me. I think most celebs should use it for blemishes and such. But, and maybe it's just me, I don't buy that you can't see a single vein on her belly.  True, maybe Jess had spray tan or something of the like before the shoot (I don't do it; therefore I'm not aware of possible side effects and can't judge). 

But not having any veins on this photo made me slightly panic and feel insecure at first. I then calmed my hormonal-self and reminded the crazy woman inside of WWP. Also, for as far along as Jess is, her bellybutton seems amazingly still poked in. Good for her on both accounts I suppose; but I'm refusing to let the hormonal crazy lady inside me compare.


Also, I haven't decided if I will let the hubby take clothed belly pictures of me and BGK. I may want to sometime in the next few weeks, but believe me there will be photoshop--no one needs to see the river lines on the map that has become my belly.

Naming Your Heart

Naming your baby is just that--naming your heart. Baby Girl Kotowski has a name, but I don't want to share it with the masses yet (I'm superstitious, remember?). For the record though, it wasn't hard for us to agree on a name. The hubby and I are very team like people--if BGK had been a boy, he would get to pick out his name. My dear hubby didn't win that lottery; he was allowed "yea" or "neigh" privileges. 

While I'm thrilled to call my daughter her official name while holding her in my arms, that's not the type of names I'm talking about. All parents, especially fathers, have a tendency to nickname their children. It's not new or different, but can be extremely amusing. My dad to this day still calls me "punkin," and I wouldn't trade it for the world. He called my brothers "champ," "pokey" and "Mr. C"--respectively. My mom always called us by loving adjective names--ms. priss, angel, buddy, love, etc.

Before we knew BGK was a girl, I called her bean because I hated using the word "it."Now I call her by a shortened version of her real name. (I'm not really trying to be a tease, but I prefer only family and close friends know her name before she arrives. Sorry!) 

My husband started calling the belly "Bubba" when I started showing, which was before finding out that lots of pink and purple were in our future. I'll be honest, once he found out, I thought she would have a new nickname from her already doting father--I was wrong. He almost exclusively calls her Bubba regardless of pointing out that Bubba is in fact a she.

At first it worried me--what if she has a complex? Then I thought about it and realized Bubba was a little less manly than some of my grandpa's nicknames for my aunts (one is Butch and the other is Gus). Both of my aunts turned out better than okay; so who am I to judge? Plus it's really adorable. 

I have no idea how long the nickname will continue, but I'm fairly certain it will exist beyond her birth. And truthfully, I know she will adore her dad because I do. More than likely it will be a special bond for them...that is until she has a crush in middle school and asks her daddy to please not call her that in public. 

Hold Your Own Door!

I've found that when you've entered the realm of "parent-to-be" (especially "mom-to-be") there is always some fear that creeps enter your psyche. Don't misunderstand--I am BEYOND thrilled to be mom and am (im)patiently waiting to meet my little girl in person! But every parent worries about if they'll be a good parent, which my very wise sister-in-law assured me when I had my first panic attack several months ago.  


However, I'm not talking about those fears; I'm talking about slightly irrational, some what common, and are almost always hysterical in nature if you stop and think about them for a moment.  I've found in my third trimester I have a new one almost every week and they each last roughly a week--Thank goodness, otherwise I would be paralyzed in bed.


This week's fear is elevators. I never realized how much of an incubator these steel boxes were...that was until I was 8 months pregnant!  I mentioned that I've become a professional patient, which means elevators are a part of my routine. 

Image from businessinsider.com

Well, the panic set in when I was on my way to my endocrinologist. She's located on the 5th floor of a building that contains all sorts of specialities--none of which are OB's, so clearly I'm there for something besides just being pregnant. The elevators in this renovated building are still being renovated. They all close very quickly and moved up and down the 6 floors slowly.


The elevator nightmare started out with myself and an older gentleman standing on either side of an open elevator waiting for everyone to exit. We both started to enter the elevator when it started to shut. At that moment, the only part of my body that was close enough to hold the door was my 8 month belly--so, NOT gonna happen! The older gentleman did nothing and gave me a sour look! Seriously guy? Hold your own damn door! I'll patiently waddle to the next elevator to open. 


But the nightmare didn't stop with the (almost) belly eating doors. When I finally boarded the elevator, I stood as far to the side as I could to be out of the way. The elevators aren't small but for some unknown reason a woman with her chemotherapy bag hooked up and out felt the need to stand within 2 inches of me. I'm not trying to sound cruel and honestly I don't know the specifics of why this is bad. I do know that my grandmother's doctor told me that if she started chemo she couldn't be around me while I was pregnant: hence, this circumstance mad me very uncomfortable. 


To top it all off there was a little kid sneezing standing on the other side! I had a severe cold for 2 and 1/2 months of this pregnancy--I don't want another one! Both circumstances made my anxiety shoot through the roof and also made the 45 second elevator ride feel like an hour. The rest of the elevator was fairly empty, I don't know why everyone wanted to stand on top of the fat, er, pregnant chick. 

Image from arccentralvalley.blogspot.com

I'm not saying that I need to ride elevators alone for the next 6 weeks (although if someone could hook that up it would be AWESOME!).  I'm just asking that if you find yourself on an elevator with a pregnant woman please respect her larger than usual personal/baby bubble in the insane Petri dish we call an elevator.

Already a Character

Because of my complications (no worries--Baby Girl Kotowski is fantastic!) I currently have to go see my OB once a week (this doesn't count other doctor visits...I have become a professional patient). Despite the tediousness of having to see at least one doctor once a week, it does bring me some amusement. After all if you're not laughing at something, you're not enjoying life.


Perhaps the biggest inconvenience of these appointments is the fact that at a minimum they last an hour. During the appointments BGK and I have to be electronically monitored for at least 45 minutes, then be ultrasound and chat with my amazing OB (seriously if you need a recommendation in the Los Angeles area, let me know!).  Sounds very intimidating and nerve wracking; right?


It certainly was at first. The first time I showed up for the monitoring I had no idea what it encompassed. I was exuding anxiety and hormonally on the verge of tears during the whole lead up. So, the nurse tried to be very soothing. She hooked the pink belt around my tummy to hear BGK's heartbeat...She moved it around a little bit, which is normal, but couldn't find it. So, she kept moving it around...and kept moving it around. Needless to say, my anxiety was starting to hit the roof when I started feeling BGK moving fast and furious. 


All the anxiety and tears made way for a whole different emotion and sound--humor and laughter. This poor nurse continued to try to find BGK's heartbeat for about 5 minutes, but BGK thought the monitor was a toy. Monitor was placed and she kicked it like it was a soccer ball--over and over again. So many times in fact the nurse walked away and came back 10 minutes later.  Yes, my unborn daughter is so big of a character that she is already frustrating nurses. Oy!

Who could stay mad at this face?

BGK and I have been back several times for this monitoring since. But all the times until today was a different nurse. The nurse the last couple of weeks could find the heartbeat right away (admittedly it's gotten much easier since BGK is a bit of a hoss and doesn't have has much room to flip or anything). However, this morning I was back to my original nurse.  She called my name, saw me stand up and said, "Oh no!" 


Yep, BGK has traumatized a young nurse already! My only response (while giggling) was, "I think she'll behave better this time." And she did! I'm happy she behaved; however, her first embarrassing story for family/friends/future love interests as already been born.