Every New Mom Cries

It's my understanding (or at least my personal hope/belief) that all new moms cry at the beginning. Let me be very, very clear here--I don't like crying, never have. Before I got pregnant if you caught me crying I was probably angry not sad. Now if you see me crying you need more than just that guess because it could be as simple as a commercial or seeing my daughter's first smile.

Truthfully as soon as your baby arrives a woman's hormones are completely out of whack so there's no telling what could set off the water works. On top of that add in the fact that you are adapting to surviving on only four total hours of sleep and a periodically crying little person who solely depends on you for food, comfort and hygiene: You are bound to have what I call a "mommy meltdown." These meltdowns could be nuclear given the right prompt or trying too hard to not breakdown.

I experienced both a run of the mill meltdown and a nuclear meltdown within the first week of being home. My run of the mill mommy meltdown happened when I conceded to giving my precious daughter a bottle within the first two weeks of life. This terrified me for two reasons--what if she wouldn't take it and I had no way to get sleep or what if she liked the bottle too much and breastfeeding went down the tubes. 

I was also absolutely sure that by not listening to the recommended "don't introduce a bottle until 4-6 weeks" that I was a horrible mother. I felt incredibly guilty and lazy that I wanted to take one feeding off so I could sleep a little more. Thankfully my husband and mom assured me this wasn't the case. Thia was still receiving my milk, which is what really matter to me and the hubby. Plus, a more rested mommy means a happier and better mommy--win/win.

This was the hubs giving Thia that first bottle.

Then came the nuclear meltdown. This was not pretty. I mean puffy eyes, nose dripping snot a foot long, you would think I dislocated something and was in excruciating pain. Alas, I was just a 30 year old new mom who's mommy was going home to South Carolina a few days sooner than originally plan. The moment my mom told me she changed her flight for work, I lost it. Both the hubby and mom tried to console me for at least an hour. They had no shot. It was impossible until I was done with the tears (which were accompanied by hiccups (again: it-was-ugly!)). 

I couldn't tell you the last time I had cried like that. For whatever reason, hearing that my mom was leaving basically caused me to panic. I was filled with fear that I couldn't or wouldn't be able to figure out being a mom without my mom there. It was completely irrational but it was all I could hear in my head. Then it passed, and I realized I could do this... But I had to be "cleansed" by my personal rain before I could see it.

Our three generations. 

I have no idea if other new moms have had these exact thoughts; who knows maybe some moms never experience these meltdowns. I can only tell you that I have and what they were like. My meltdowns (which have significantly lessened) help keep me grounded and enjoy every moment with my daughter.