Acne in Infancy

Babies are perhaps the simplest yet most complicated creatures on earth. They are simple because their needs aren't hard to meet--you feed, you change, and you hold. These three things, in general, keep your baby happy. Obviously you do a few different things (singing, swaddling, playing, etc) to make these things more enjoyable; but those three are the bare bones of what a baby needs.

However they are very complicated mainly because of all the things that could affect them. I remember talking about how fragile I thought my baby would be. One of my doctors told me, "Yea, they really aren't. We've all dropped them at some point." I remember chuckling and thinking, "Oh, God! Please don't let me drop my baby." But it's true, they aren't that fragile: They are tough, ever growing, constantly learning, hormonal beings.


You probably had to look at that last one--that's right I said "hormonal." Over Memorial Day weekend Thia got what I thought was the baby acne I'd read. It was only around her head and didn't seem to bother her so I wasn't too worried. (I'll admit that I did think about emailing my pediatrician right then; but I didn't want to be paranoid.)

So I watched my baby's beautiful, soft skin blossom with even more acne over the next couple of days because of her adjusting to her hormones and no longer receiving mine. By Monday my mommy alarm was making a soft whirring whisper, but I still didn't want to raise the red flag and call the doctor. That all changed Wednesday morning though. The small bumps looked like a rash and was on the back of her neck and her shoulders. 


That day Thia and I had our first "non-well" check-up. Turns out I was right with my compulsive reading: It is/was baby acne. As a new mom, though, there is a seriously peaceful feeling that comes from hearing it out of the pediatrician's mouth. That said, your stomach sinks when you find out there's really nothing to do about it. 


My pediatrician did give me a few tips. The first: Don't over moisturize the areas. The second: Try and keep the areas dry. For most of the affected areas it's not too hard. Thia does have two problematic spots: her scalp and her neck. Her scalp is only a problem because she has now started to sleep hard (sleeping hard = sweat). The other reason is, if you haven't seen a picture of my darling daughter lately (see below--the adorable cheeks and double chin: TOO CUTE!!), she eats like a champ! 

So what do I do to keep that area relatively dry? I use bibs and a burp cloth to cover her skin while she eats. It's not full proof, but it seems to be making a difference. Even though it was just acne, I learned that I will always follow my gut. Thinking you may have nothing to worry and hearing everything is fine are two different things; I vote for hearing a professional say it. All in all, I am so grateful to have such a healthy and happy baby that a little acne barely puts a bump (pun intended) in parenting.

What's in a Name?

Everyone comes up with their child's name differently. The first step the hubs and I made was a compromise--if Baby Kotowski was a boy, he picked the name; a girl, I picked the name. Seemed like a logical and fair process. Then we found out it was a girl and the pressure started.


I knew part of the name, but wasn't sure about her full name. Trying to pick out exactly what name would flow with the first, had meaning, would fit our baby girl and wouldn't embarrass her is very overwhelming. (I know this is coming from someone named "Polly;" but while my name has a bazillion ways to pick on me, it suits me very well!) 


Despite having agreed that I would pick out the name, I constantly bounced stuff off of my hubby before we were even pregnant (yes, we were thinking names before she was conceived). The name bouncing increased after we found out she was a girl in October 2011. I'm pretty sure I was driving my husband crazy--"What about this?" "What about that?" Most were met with a resounding "NO" for one reason or another. Then it came to me...


Her first name is Cynthia, after my mom. My mom has been my rock in so many ways and she continues to be. She's also my best friend in the whole world next to my hubby. But more than that my mom is by far the strongest woman I know, and I want my daughter to have that same strength. Plus my mom doesn't really know the word "no;" and while I hope my daughter does, I still want her to have my mom's generosity. 

My mom and I at my brother's wedding last year.

The second name was harder. At first I said we should combine our mothers' names but it just didn't flow as well as we wanted--too many A's ending words. So, we went through the gamut when I spoke my grandmother's name with Cynthia and it was perfect! I was reluctant choosing two names from my family because I just didn't think it was fair, but my husband liked it. Thus she was named Cynthia Gail, in hopes that she will have my grandmother's grace and big heart. 

My grandmother and I.

The idea for the name we call her--"Thia"--has a slightly cheesier origin. When I was WAY younger (I'm talking about 13), I saw the movie For Keeps with Molly Ringwald. The movie is definitely one of Molly's more serious films--she becomes a teen mom before it was made cool on MTV. Any who, her boyfriend/husband in the film Stan (played by Randall Batinkoff) named their baby Theodosia. Molly's character Darcy is horrified but nicknames her "Thea," which I thought was the most adorable name ever. 

And that's how we (I) picked our daughter's name. She's named after two of the most inspiring and lovable women I know. Then, with me being a true 80's child, we call her a name inspired by one of mommy's favorite 80's movies. Thia fits her perfectly, and sound like it should restrict her to any profession (don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about). Also, Cynthia Gail flows amazingly for the future if/when she ever gets in trouble!

Sling? Carrier? Why Not Both?

I'm sure anyone who's ever done a baby registry can relate--do you want a sling, carrier, or just car seat with a stroller? I tossed and turned about it because it seemed like a crucial decision. After all making the right choice would dictate how much mobility mom and Thia would have to explore the rest of the world. 

In the end for registry purposes we decided on the Chicco Ultrasoft Carrier. We chose Chicco because it was a brand that several of parental friends chose and it was well rated. I haven't used it much. Miss Thia still can't hold her own head up for long periods of time, which is NOT a criteria for this carrier but seems to be for my child. She's a snuggler and wants to be close all the time, so feet dangling when she doesn't have more control makes her insane. I'm sure has she gets bigger she will love this carrier because she can face mommy/daddy or the world.

I also received a promotional sling from Seven Slings. This one seemed a little to tight for my angel and it's not really adjustable. I'm sure with super small babies it's a God send but for my baby who loves to eat, it's not great. However, I am looking forward to using it when she's bigger (like 9 months). Yes, I know what I just said; BUT this sling offers it self greatly as an on the hip holder.

With these two not being Thia's favorite things, I thought I was going to be doomed to only using one hand for the foreseeable future. Don't get me wrong--I can get WAY more done with one hand than I ever dreamed possible! (All you moms know exactly what I'm talking about!)

But when Thia was about two weeks old I was placing my order on Diapers.Com (a whole other post on this website later), and they had a promo for an item called the Baby K'Tan. Seriously this product is the best of both worlds, and unless Thia is super hungry she LOVES it! It has the cuddle factor of a good sling or wrap, but the true convenience of a carrier. But the best part is: it GROWS with Thia (holds up to 35 lbs). The Baby K'Tan is unbelievably versatile to find a position for any fussy baby--it can be a kangaroo hold, hug position, adventure position, explore position and the two-hip position. It's also designed to support your back and your baby. Plus it's t-shirt material and machine washable (which is essential for a new mom). But may favorite part about this kind of carrier: Strangers actually don't think it's okay to reach in and touch my baby!

Plus it comes in all sorts of colors--I got this fantastic eggplant shade!

Of course the tried and true Graco Snugride car seat is also wonderful. My angel loves to fall asleep in hers, and you don't wake a sleeping baby if you don't have to!

Every New Mom Cries

It's my understanding (or at least my personal hope/belief) that all new moms cry at the beginning. Let me be very, very clear here--I don't like crying, never have. Before I got pregnant if you caught me crying I was probably angry not sad. Now if you see me crying you need more than just that guess because it could be as simple as a commercial or seeing my daughter's first smile.

Truthfully as soon as your baby arrives a woman's hormones are completely out of whack so there's no telling what could set off the water works. On top of that add in the fact that you are adapting to surviving on only four total hours of sleep and a periodically crying little person who solely depends on you for food, comfort and hygiene: You are bound to have what I call a "mommy meltdown." These meltdowns could be nuclear given the right prompt or trying too hard to not breakdown.

I experienced both a run of the mill meltdown and a nuclear meltdown within the first week of being home. My run of the mill mommy meltdown happened when I conceded to giving my precious daughter a bottle within the first two weeks of life. This terrified me for two reasons--what if she wouldn't take it and I had no way to get sleep or what if she liked the bottle too much and breastfeeding went down the tubes. 

I was also absolutely sure that by not listening to the recommended "don't introduce a bottle until 4-6 weeks" that I was a horrible mother. I felt incredibly guilty and lazy that I wanted to take one feeding off so I could sleep a little more. Thankfully my husband and mom assured me this wasn't the case. Thia was still receiving my milk, which is what really matter to me and the hubby. Plus, a more rested mommy means a happier and better mommy--win/win.

This was the hubs giving Thia that first bottle.

Then came the nuclear meltdown. This was not pretty. I mean puffy eyes, nose dripping snot a foot long, you would think I dislocated something and was in excruciating pain. Alas, I was just a 30 year old new mom who's mommy was going home to South Carolina a few days sooner than originally plan. The moment my mom told me she changed her flight for work, I lost it. Both the hubby and mom tried to console me for at least an hour. They had no shot. It was impossible until I was done with the tears (which were accompanied by hiccups (again: it-was-ugly!)). 

I couldn't tell you the last time I had cried like that. For whatever reason, hearing that my mom was leaving basically caused me to panic. I was filled with fear that I couldn't or wouldn't be able to figure out being a mom without my mom there. It was completely irrational but it was all I could hear in my head. Then it passed, and I realized I could do this... But I had to be "cleansed" by my personal rain before I could see it.

Our three generations. 

I have no idea if other new moms have had these exact thoughts; who knows maybe some moms never experience these meltdowns. I can only tell you that I have and what they were like. My meltdowns (which have significantly lessened) help keep me grounded and enjoy every moment with my daughter.  

Things I Knew (And Didn't) About a C-Section

My darling daughter was in the perfect birthing position for over 2 months and my wonderful doctor and I thought I would be able to have a natural childbirth. I was even excited about it because my mom and one of my grandmothers wasn't able to do so, and I thought my body would actually cooperate. My daughter had other plans though--she moved herself to a transverse position with her umbilical cord directly over the birthing canal. So I went from waiting for labor to start to please don't let labor start with an urgent c-section with in 24 hours. I'm not complaining about this because Thia was born healthy, safe and happy, which was all I really wanted. 

That being said there were things I knew in theory that followed and things I had no clue about recovering from a c-section:


1. It's major surgery. The doctors and nurses tell you this, but it doesn't (or didn't with me at least) register. At the end of the day I was able to hold my bouncing baby girl. Yes the hospital stay was a little lengthy, but I was able to cuddle, feed, sing, and love on this beautiful gift. No, the major surgery part didn't register until I got home 4 days later. That's when it truly hit me that I was restricted and not at the top of my game. It was painful and unlike other surgeries you can't lounge around doped up because that blessing you are excited about needs to be fed, cleaned and held. 


2. You can't drive. This was a no-brainer. And, truthfully, it didn't bother me until about two weeks later, then I wanted to be able to tool around with my daughter. But it wasn't a possibility because I had been cut open and couldn't risk opening my incision. I was able to drive about two weeks after that, which brought back a huge sense of being me.


3. There's swelling--L-O-T-S of swelling. I had no idea this happened. I mean, I knew my tummy wouldn't immediately flat; but the rest of my body?!? My whole body was so swollen I couldn't even get my pregnancy jeans on! My pregnancy cankles had nothing on my post c-section cankles. I could barely walk for about a week without pain in my ankles. The swelling went away after about two weeks, and thank goodness for my self-esteem!


4. You still look pregnant. Like I said, I knew my stomach wouldn't be flat--but I didn't really think I would still look nine months pregnant. Part of it was the swelling and then part of it was just recovering from being pregnant. I thought I missed out on that later part with the c-section: I mean they cut me open, they could at least remove some of the extra flab; right? Nope you still have to burn calories to get that tummy to go away. (Breastfeeding helps a ton!)


5. You still have crazy hormones. I thought that once I was no longer with child that my hormones would stabilize. This thought was very, very, very wrong. I found that out when everyone else in the hospital room was freezing and I was begging for the thermostat to be turned down. At that point my doctor informed me that my husband was the temperature gauge for our baby. Apparently with breastfeeding that continues; so even when I wake up drenched in sweat, all the normal people can (and probably are) still cold.


6. You can't eat for AT LEAST 24 hours. I call you back to number 1--MAJOR SURGERY. This may not seem like such a big deal, but my diet was more restricted than most. Yes, I missed sushi and the like. But I had gestational diabetes, which meant I couldn't indulge in the sweet tooth cravings my daughter created. By the time she arrived I was longing for Coca-Cola and Krispy Kreme, and I had planned on having them as soon as I birthed her. Nope! I couldn't have anything, then only liquids, then finally I could eat what I wanted. Overall, I couldn't indulge for about 72 hours. 

7. You're instant super mom. I think all new moms think this not just those of us who didn't actually experience labor or who are chronic over achievers. It's not true, you have to adjust and figure it out--no baby or family is the same. So in that vein, be grateful for your co-stars/supporting cast... whoever they maybe. (A special thank you to my hubby, mom, dad, Cara and Tina!)


I know other women have a lot more draw backs to having a c-section, but it really wasn't as bad as any horror story I had heard. Truthfully I wouldn't trade the way Thia came into this world because she entered this world perfect. It's like with anything--perspective helps a lot. My perspective is: well worth it!

Finding a Rhythm...(I think)

So Miss Thia is seven weeks old today (!) and (I think) we are finally finding a rhythm. It could all change tomorrow, but I'm choosing to believe we've found something. The last seven weeks have been a whirlwind of joy, exhaustion, amusement, messiness, and any other contradicting emotions you can come up with. I tried my best to listen to all of the unsolicited wanted advice--you know: let your chores wait, sleep when the baby sleeps, let your partner help with feedings, don't sleep with your baby, sleep with your baby, let your baby cry, don't let your baby... You know, all (I'm sure I've missed some) the advice you get as a new mom. All of it is welcomed (although sometimes confusing) because I am a first time mom.

I can't believe she is already seven weeks old!

I'll be honest with recovering from the c-section, trying to get enough sleep, extreme breast engorgement--I listened to the "let your chores wait." Let me be clear, when I say I listened, I mean I listened for almost seven weeks (I could barely walk through my living room)--then I just couldn't take it anymore. So starting over this long weekend while the dear hubby could entertain our ever more alert baby, I started a cleaning binge I still haven't quite finished (tomorrow will be the finishing touches). I actually hate that I let it wait, because I just feel calmer having a tidy home. But now that my darling daughter will actually let me put her down during the day, this cleanliness will be kept up so I don't become a scary, mad woman talking about dishes, clothes and dust.


The other advice I tried desperately to listen to was to "sleep when your baby sleeps." I tried and tried and even prayed that I would be able to--but with the exception of a few pure exhausted naps, it didn't work. I'm not a napper. Never have been. I couldn't even do it well in college (don't get me wrong, plenty of times I watched TV lounging around in my dorm room). For whatever reason, my body has a hard time sleeping when the sun is up (maybe that's why Thia is so alert). 


I do fully believe in letting your partner help with feedings. I fought this at first when we got home from the hospital because I thought it would make me a bad mom if my daughter was fed other than directly from my teet. (Not saying you have to breastfeed to be a good mom; I just really wanted to breastfeed.) However, my excruciating breast engorgement taught me otherwise. When you over produce milk and you can't sleep with the sun up: You let (and thank goodness for) your partner feed the baby at night. That way I get sleep and Thia still gets breast milk AND bonding time with daddy.

Medela breast pump--Truly a lifesaver and MUST have!

These few things are helping me to create a rhythm for me and Miss Thia. A rhythm to me means I'll be able to return phone calls, go out into the world and in general have a sense of well being beyond being an exhausted milk factory. That's the trick I've learned to be most valuable--whatever works for you, your baby and your new family is what you do. So if you haven't heard from, I'm not avoiding you. I've just been learning how to live this new truly blessed, awesome new life. So, expect to hear from me soon.


PS-I'll talk about that other advice during a later post. Because that's part of my new rhythm (fingers crossed): at least two posts a week.

Do(n't) Say to a New Mother

I don't know about all you other new moms, but I feel like a hormonal mess. And if you factor in this new role with recovering from an urgent C-section you could just call me a hot (flash) mess.

Our first family photo--taken after Thia's arrival April 11, 2012.

My father and husband are both very loving and supportive, but at the end of the day-they are boys...ergo they do NOT understand. When I finally experienced my first teariness, both said, "you're fine, it's normal, you are post partum." Men think that final phrase explains it all. (Which, a quick note guys, it makes us women even more emotional.)


Then top it off by being told I'm hormonal, dramatic or any other word that would send a woman off the deep end on a normal average day. Men understand to tell you how great of a job you're doing while in the hospital and the first couple days at home. But then, somehow, they forget. Honestly, all new moms (at least this one) want to hear is that we're doing a good job, you love us and can you help us with anything.


Usually it wouldn't be a big deal. However, this new mom still can't drive or carry anything heavier than her growing, beautiful little girl. So, in my mind I'm handicapped. I very much like to be able to do my own thing and would love to take lil bit with; but I can't quite yet. This is making me stir crazy and feeling VERY needy with my hubby-who lets be honest is over it at this point. Well, ME TOO!! I know this part will be over soon, and thus I ask for patience for myself, hubby, and all family and friends.

Our first outing to Ronnie's Dinner on Culver Blvd.

PS. I'm very grateful to get to go out for brunch as a little family!! My and Thia's first outing other than doctor's appointments in over 3 weeks... I think I may need to have my hair cut and toenails painted--just saying.