There Will Be Photoshop

Ah... The belly photo. The photo that holds a woman's 8 or 9 month body in posterity for the viewing pleasure of, well--herself, husband, family and perhaps even the baby that is (sort of) in the photo. I'm not saying I don't like the photos. In fact if they are done tastefully and thoughtfully, I think they are/can a wonderful keepsake and adorable. But let's face it, not all belly photos are created equal.


Some women just do not look comfortable exposing any part of themselves, even it is only their (very) round belly. The truth is if you're not comfortable, then no shot will be worth using (and you've now wasted time and money). Then other women are too comfortable for my taste. You know the ones I'm talking about--no bra, no undies--just wearing Eve's uniform  like they couldn't afford even a fig leaf. I'm by no means a prude, but I'm very uncomfortable looking at entirely nude body that isn't an ancient work of art or my husband. 


Jessica Simpson recently did this photo for Elle magazine (see below). Beyond the two reasons above--she and I both are uncomfortable--there is also one thing I call BS on in this picture; I call it the Wonderful World of Photoshop. Honestly, WWP doesn't bother me. I think most celebs should use it for blemishes and such. But, and maybe it's just me, I don't buy that you can't see a single vein on her belly.  True, maybe Jess had spray tan or something of the like before the shoot (I don't do it; therefore I'm not aware of possible side effects and can't judge). 

But not having any veins on this photo made me slightly panic and feel insecure at first. I then calmed my hormonal-self and reminded the crazy woman inside of WWP. Also, for as far along as Jess is, her bellybutton seems amazingly still poked in. Good for her on both accounts I suppose; but I'm refusing to let the hormonal crazy lady inside me compare.


Also, I haven't decided if I will let the hubby take clothed belly pictures of me and BGK. I may want to sometime in the next few weeks, but believe me there will be photoshop--no one needs to see the river lines on the map that has become my belly.

Oh! You're Having...

I haven't figured out why, oh, why strangers feel the need to inform you of anything and everything (and I mean anything and everything) when you're pregnant. To be perfectly frank, "strangers" is too broad a word--it's really strange women. I think the main reason for this is that most men have learned how to keep their feet out of their mouths unless the pregnant female starts the conversation. No man wants to ask an UN-pregnant woman if she's pregnant, so mommies-to-be: with most men the ball is in your court.


This is NOT the case with all most women. Let me be clear before this rant (because let's be honest, that's what it will be shortly) starts, I like to be asked about my bun in the oven. But there is a key word in that sentence: asked. Unfortunately women think that if you're pregnant that you must know all their experiences, advice, and their opinion.

Image fromblogs.babble.com/being-pregnant

A woman in my birthing class said this is because women see it has a rite of passage to share their stories.  I think that is a very unique, rational, and kind way to look at the word vomit some women feel the need to spew onto your unseen shoes. But I see her point...when it comes to other women's past experiences. Those are the stories I like to hear! Hearing that this woman was nauseous for 8 out of 9 months; that woman had gestational diabetes; this one couldn't sleep after month 5; or that one had stretch marks starting in month 3, makes us moms-to-be feel normal and not alone. 


Please note: I'm not saying that I only enjoy hearing the negative experiences. I love hearing how some women's pregnancy have been perfect, glowing and easy! While I'm listening, I'm also completely green with envy (or maybe it's just the lingering morning sickness).  All jealousy aside, women's experiences are important to pass down.


What I don't want to hear is unsolicited advice or opinion (and mainly it's really just your opinion you need to keep to yourself). I have had multiple women who have just blurted out, "Oh, you're having a boy." The first time, I bit my tongue and smiled politely and just replied, "no, SHE's a GIRL." But this outburst (that's exactly what they are--I haven't been in a single conversation with any of these women when this "observation" was made) has slowly driven me mad. I finally snapped the other day and answered in my snarkiest tone, "why would you think that?" Apparently it's because according to this woman while I was sitting I appear to be carrying "low." There are two issues with this observation. The first: I'M SITTING DOWN! The second: I'm small in stature--I'm carrying where my body could make room.

Image from http://halloweencostumeworld.com

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I don't want to hear any one's opinions. That's simply not sure.  I love hearing my mom's, mother-in-law's, sisters-in-law's and close friends' opinions. Their experiences, advice and opinions are  wanted, valuable and loved resources. Not to mention, they aren't going to guess the wrong sex because of my "look" when this wonderful machine called an ultrasound (and two doctors) say otherwise.